Chapter 1: Chronicles Of A Zulu Kasi Princess (Page 8)

Wearing a mask wears you out. Faking it is fatiguing. The most exhausting activity is pretending to be what you know you aren’t. – Rick Warren

Boipelo is tired of inventing and covering lies ,she is at a phase where cutting unnecessary things and people sounds good considering her recent situation . She thought, maybe she can do without a man. But now, who is going to pay for her hair, make up and shoes. 

Youth unemployment in Kasi is dressed up with posh fancy lifestyles and instant dreams that equally evaporates into four-bedroom houses that echoes imbalances and financial constraints. Most boys start small businesses such as stalakisi, selling pop corns, fruits and sweets just to get by. Others disperse every morning to fill in the malls as cashiers, sales people and managers. The most common dream is to get out of Kasi. Only a few, have decent jobs and still stay. For unemployed girls is hard, the hustle becomes really hard and Boipelo is exhausted.  

My skin is dry, my eyes are red and my lips are too dry. I have exhausted all my possible solutions and options. Nothing really works, I'm losing my self and church is not exciting since I shagged the youth pastor. How do I even begin to fix my life. I know mama is my shoulder to cry on but she had her fair share of problems and as much as she thinks I'm open to her about everything there's the other side of me she does not know. The mirror is crying dirt, there's stains that looks like someone was bathing but they forgot to wipe. This is what Boipelo hated about home, nobody was willing to clean after their mess. She is very impatient with people hence she spends most of her time at the grandparents house. 

One thing about her, she never got satisfied about herself and somehow she projected her insecurities to the people around her. She judged her friend Lindiwe alot yet she was the darker side of her. Masking herself as a born again christian was the easiest road she can take easpecially when the world swallowed her. But now, someone mentioned that she led on the young pastor into sin. And she had missed church and  all the international trips they offered.

While staring herself on the mirror, her phone falls under the bed. She kneels down to take it, dusty fluffy notes comes back with the phone. When she checks, it's a receipt of the Port Elizabeth crusade. It was one of the trips amongst others that Tumi paid for. As much as Tumi was a simple lukewarm Christian who still smoked and drank alcohol, he supported Boipelo to go to church and financed all the trips, as well as the glam that came with her being in the church choir. 

Dineo came in, Sesi ke eng? Why are you crying? 

Haaaaai wena, go out of my bedroom, out ..... She chased her sister and sat down to cry some more, loud this time. The firce beast within her relaxed when at home. As though the Sun has been rubbed out of the sky. Shame poor Dineo took in everything her sister went through. But Boipelo was exhausted to be herself, to hustle through lies and deceit. Her world was so imperfect for an egocentric person like herself. In her heart, she knew that Tumi is not the one, yet on social media she pretended like she's in love. Her profile pictures was one with him, and the check ins at Sandton. No one would even believe her if she tells the truth. 

She always managed to put on a mask ...